My mom knows I'm a ho.

My mom sat me and my sister down and gave us the "talk". You know, the

Are-you-having-sex-if-you-are-are-you-using-protection talk. I'd like to point out the respective ages of my and my sister: 25. 32. The conversation was started because I had told her that I was going to visit FatBastard-boyfriend in Jersey, and obviously staying at his apartment unchaperoned. I never told my parents when FatBastard would come visit, or when I was visiting him, so my parents had actually come to the conclusion that we didn't even like each other that much, because we apparently never saw each other.

Anyways, the talk was uncomfortable, but it was actually a relief to not have to hide it anymore. Then my mom chastised me and gave me sexual protection advice, which I will not elaborate on, but I'm sure you all can guess.

Later, I told FatBastard about the conversation. There was a pause, and then a few seconds of laughter sputtering through his nose. "Your mom knows you're a skank!" Followed by eight solid minutes of roaring laughter, the kind where he hyperventilates at the end, puncuating each inhale with another gasp of laughter.